the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
