It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
