She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
