i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
