good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
