I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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