U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
