Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
