a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
People in love make me want to vomit
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
