What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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