so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
