I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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