just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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