there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
