and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
