Kiss
Puke
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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