I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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