So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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