it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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