Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
