Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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