After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
