then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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