We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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