My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
