It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
