got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
