Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
