honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
