Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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