I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
