When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
