K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
