I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Randomize