i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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