i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
this will be a night to untag.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
