every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
