drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
