Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
