I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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