I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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