Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
