God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
