woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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