his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
