pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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