Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
