Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
