I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
