I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
