I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
